Make Me Laugh - IZ Style
by Ztarlight
Summary: WOOOOOOOHOOOOOO!!! I'm back, and boy, does it feel great!! To Invader Bast, I have your fic. To everyone else, R&R, and I hope this makes you laugh.
1. Default Chapter

(Hiya, hiya, hiya, hiya, hiya!!!!!!!!! I'm back, and boy, does it fELL GREAT!!... damn caps lock... anyhoo, welcome to "Make Me Laugh - IZ Style" a challenge given   
to me by the one and only, Invader Bast. Yeah, I got off my punishment early, so here it is, better late than never, I suppose... IZ dun belong to me, I just like to   
write fics.)   
  
(P.S. : Bast, I tried to put in all of the "extras" but I couldn't find a place for Johnny C. ...I just hope he won't kill me...)   
  
  
Make Me Laugh - IZ Style   
  
  
'Twas another typical day in Zim's household. Zim was down in his lab concocting another ingenious plan to get rid of Dib, and Gir had his eyes glued to the   
"Scary Monkey Show" while he patiently waited for the pizza guy. Unfortunately, like every great program, there are commercials involved. When they came on,   
Gir often flipped through the channels to see what else was on, eventually returning to his beloved Scary Monkey   
  
Today was going to be a special day for viewing T.V, especially for Zim. He came out of his lab, charred and covered in smoke, no doubt due to the fact that   
another one of his plans blew up in his face - literally.   
  
"What are you watching, Gir?" Zim asked of his android.   
  
"The 'Scary Monkey Show', Master," was the reply.   
  
Zim continued to dust himself off. "Of course. What else would you watch?"   
  
"Oh, stuff." Gir looked up. "Teehee. Master, you look funny!"   
  
"I know, Gir." Zim straightned his antannae. "I was experimenting the effects of a radioactive rubber egg on the chickens. It exploded because I found a cupcake   
wrapper caught between the gears." He eyed Gir. "I wonder how it got there..."   
  
Gir paid no attantion to the sarcasm in Zim's voice. "I dunnoooooo....."   
  
The doorbell rang, and Gir hopped up. "YAY! Pizza!!"   
  
Zim's skin lightened a shade. "Pizza? Oh, no, not again..."   
  
Gir handed over his coupon and strolled back to the couch. Tearing open the box, he snatched up the remote and, to his dismay, found commercials running.   
  
Gir glared at the screen. "I don't like these commercialls."   
  
"Oh, really?" Zim asked, starting a conversation, "Then what commercials *do* you like?"   
  
"I'm loooooookin'..." "OOO!! This one here!!"   
  
Gir stopped the channel on MTV, where they were running a Spice Girls special. They were playing the "Wannabe" video. Gir chereed whenever Scary Spice   
or Baby Spice came on-screen.   
  
Zim rolled his eyes. "Why do you like them so much?"   
  
"Cause..." Gir went to the screen, "This one," he pointed to Baby Spice, "Wears lotsa pink, like the piggies!!" He pulled a rubber pig out of nowhere and held it   
up in victory. Then he pointed to Scary. "An' this one looks like a moose!!"   
  
Zim sat, bored. "You know Gir, this isn't a commercial, it's a music video."   
  
" 'Moo-sic vee-dio'...? YAY!!"   
  
Zim shook his head and watched the video play some more, all the while pondering to himself. "What's the deal with these 'Spice Girls'? Why does everyone   
worship them so? What IS their secret... to... what do they have that I don't?"   
  
Gir stopped dancing to answer. "A mega-selling CD and a multi-million dollar contract?"   
  
"Gir...what did you say?" Zim asked, amazed.   
  
Gir shrugged. "I forgot."   
  
Zim turned back to the screen. "Still...why are they in control? What do they... WHAT ARE *THOSE*?!"   
  
They were jumping around on the screen. Zim noticed the large lumps attatched to their chests. They bounced and swayed in a hypnotic fashion... Zim shook his   
head quickly to escape the spell.   
  
"It's like Pustulio all over again..." Zim thought. "Only they aren't pimples... but then, what are they? I must know!" And he headed down to his lab to investigate.   
  
  
  
/Meanwhile, on the Massive.../   
  
  
Red leaned back in his chair and sighed. "You know, it's been a while since Zim called us..."   
  
"I know..." Purple replied worriedly. "That means he's going to at any minute."   
  
Red said nothing, but rubbed his chin in thought. "Hey," he said, sitting up, "Why don't *we* contact *him*?"   
  
"And why, pray tell, would we want to do *that*?"   
  
"Cuz maybe he's doing something embarrasing and we can catch him in the act."   
  
Purple smiled fiendishly. "I like the way your mind works..."   
  
"Why, thank you."   
  
"...Except for the laser opinion..."   
  
"Will you get off my back about the lasers?"   
  
"Not until you say smokescreens are better."   
  
"Never!"   
  
"Hmph. Fine." Purple turned away. "So...you wanna call Zim now?"   
  
Red shrugged. "Sure," he said with his back turned.   
  
"Uh... okay..." Purple hovered over to the communication panel.   
  
"Oh, and remember..."   
  
Purple looked up. "What---" he said before getting shot in the eye. "Ahh!!"   
  
Red laughed and held up his mini-pistol to the lump on the ground. "Lasers."   
  
  
  
/I wonder what Zim is doing...or should I really *want* to know? Too late; we're going to visit him./   
  
  
"Hmm..." Zim pondered to himself. "These 'breasts'... commonly found in the female populace of the humans..." Zim nodded in amazament. "Well,   
that explains why I don't have them... yet I must aquire them... somehow..."   
  
Zim shut his eyes and tried to remember thet video in best detail that his memory would allow. "If I recall correctly... it was almost like they had stuffed something   
into their uniforms... perhaps that is my only option..." Zim glanced around his lab. "But what would work?" He walked around and commented on various objects   
that he came across. "Too sharp... wrong shape... too small... too big... ngh! There's nothing here!!" Fuming, he want back upstairs.   
  
Zim found Gir in the kitchen experimenting with various tubes of food coloring in his nachos. "OOOOOO! Green chips!!" He held one next to Zim's head. "Look   
Master, a perfect match!!"   
  
Zim jerked his head away. "Be quiet, Gir! I have no resemblence to that factory-processed vegetable chip that you hold. I---" he stopped suddenly.   
  
Gir waved his hand in front of Zim's face. "Master...? Master, helloooo!" Gir turned around to see what Zim was staring at.   
  
Just then, Zim lurched forward, grabbbed something from the table, and dissapeared down the toilet. Gir shrugged and picked up the purple tube. "This one will   
work goooooooooood..."   
  
Downstairs once again, Zim held up his prize. "This will work wonders! It is genius! It is..." He stopped. "Computer... what are these things?"   
  
The computer beeped for a moment. "Analyzing... human consumtion object named... 'pineapple'..."   
  
" A 'pineapple'?" Zim held up one of the spiky yellow fruits. "Odd... it neither resembles an apple nor does it come from a pine tree... oh, well," he shrugged, and   
preceded to stuff them down his shirt. There was one thing he never considered, however...   
  
"GAH! The ITCH!! The horrible ITCH!!" Zim hopped around the lab, with his new "additions" wiggling around. "Doh, I forgot to shave it, first! Ahh..."   
  
Zim was so pre-occupied with his current dillemma that he never heard the vid-screen scroll down from behind him. Moments later, Red and Purple appeared on   
the screen and dropped what ever they were holding. They said nothing for a while; they just watched Zim bounce around, trying to deal with a foreign growth from   
under his shirt. It was a long time before Red managed to sputter:   
  
"Zim...what the *hell* are you doing?" 


	2. I Won't Ask

Make Me Laugh - IZ Style   
Chapter 2: I Won't Ask   
  
  
  
Zim glanced up at teh screen in shock. "Oh! My good sirs... I'm uh--- ooo! [scratch, scratch] attempting a new type of... [scratch, scratch] weakness against the   
humans... [scratch, scratch] However, it has a few--- [scratch,scratch,scratch] drawbacks on my part... Oooo!!" Zim began scratching his chest wildly.   
  
Tallest Red cocked his head. "A... few?"   
  
"Well, only two that I can think of..." Zim stood up straight. "One, the form of hynotism I'm searching for is only found in human females - well, in males too, but   
when that is the case, something is terribly wrong - and so I needed to stuff something down the front of my shirty. However, I had a lack of the proper resources,   
and had to use pineapples. Two, they're terribly scratchy!"   
  
Purple nodded. "Do go on..."   
  
"Well, in spite of the annoyances, I'm willing to make a small sacrafice to serve the Irken empire."   
  
"Uh, yes," Purple said, cutting in, "It sounds lovely, but we really must be going." The transmission ended. Zim stared for a while, then resumed tending to his...   
problem. "Ah-ah-ah!!! The itch!! The ITCH!!!!"   
  
  
  
Red stared wide-eyed at the screen. "That was disturbing..."   
  
Purple glared in response. "I hate you now."   
  
"For what?"   
  
"For making me see that."   
  
"You didn't have to watch it."   
  
"You wanted to call him in the first place!"   
  
"Well YOU don't always have to listen to what I want."   
  
Purple turned away. "Not unless I want to get shot in the eye..." he muttered.   
  
  
  
"Master, I didn't know it was Halloween already..."   
  
"What are you talking about, Gir?"   
  
"You look like Baby Spice."   
  
Zim gave Gir the twitchy eye. "Don't you DARE compare me to that chubby little pink pig-human!!!!!!"   
  
"Hm. Fine, whatever." Gir went back to channel surfing.   
  
Zim carefully adjusted the pineapples inside his uniform. "Now, I have the power to rid this planet of any... smartness they might have in those laughingly small   
peanuts they call brains." He smiled superiorily. "Now you will see, Dib. I CAN take a planet over!!! AHA-HA-HA-HA-HA---" Zim was cut off by a gurgling sound.   
"Ugh... but first I need to use the bathroom." 


	3. Stuff Happens

Make Me Laugh - IZ Style   
Chapter Three - Stuff Happens   
  
  
Zim's change in his body proportion called for a change of appearance. Donning a blomde wig, he smiled as he looked himself over in the mirror. "Perfect... now to   
test my new weapons of war." He marched proudly to the door.   
  
Gir entered the hall just then and tackled Zim to the floor. "Hi!!! Can I have your autograph?"   
  
Zim groaned from his position on the floor. "Get of of me, Gir!"   
  
Gir obeyed. "Oh... it's only you, Master..."   
  
"What was that for, Gir?"   
  
"I thought you were one of the Spice Girls."   
  
Zim twitched. "I'll ignore that."   
  
Gir looked over Zim with interest. "Pretty... what are you gonna do?"   
  
Zim cleared his throat. "I'm going to try to hynotize those miserable humans," he replied in a strange falsetto voice.   
  
Gir said nothing. Instead he sat there with the same stupid grin on his face for about twenty minutes before announcing, "I'm gonna make toast!" and running into the   
kitchen to do so.   
  
  
  
Zim walked carefully, so as not to attract unwanted attention. He decided to begin his hypnotism conquest in the park. Standing on a bench, he could spy a vast number   
of human stinkbeasts littering the landscape. (Wonderful...) He straightened his wig, stood up tall, took a deep breath, and shouted:   
  
"Attention all humans! Prepare to submit yourself to the wonderous force known as Zim!!"   
  
Most people paid no attention to him, but a few turned their heads. "Great," someone said. "It's another Britney wanna-be..."   
  
Zim squinted an eye. "I know nothing of a 'Britney'...but perhaps it is something for me to look into..."   
  
"Zim?!"   
  
Zim turned at the sound of his name. There was Dib, slowly approaching the Irken as he tried to stifle his laughter. "What are you trying to do, Zim?"   
  
Zim turned slightly, making sure to give his pineapples an extra bounce. "What does it look like I'm doing, meatbag?!"   
  
"I think you're--- oh..." Dib blinked. He was falling under the spell. "No... it's just like that pimple, only there are *two*!" Dib shook his head. "Nononono! I'm not going to fall   
victim to another one of your evil schemes!!"   
  
"Yes, you will," Zim growled. "OBEY THE BREAST!!"   
  
Dib ran off, panicking. "Ahhh!! Run, before it's too late!!"   
  
"Run from what?" someone asked. Before they could respond, they too, fell victim to the pineapple hypnosis. Zim ran even faster, motivated by the reaction he was   
getting. (If I keep this up, then it won't be long before I can have these pitiful beings under my control again - permanately!!)   
  
He was right - it wasn't long before he had everyone in the park under his hypnosis... well, everyone except for Dib.   
  
That was about to change.   
  
Dib backed up against the fountain. There were human zombies from every direction except straight ahead - that was where Zim was.   
  
Zim smiled evilly. "Now, you will submmit to me, and my every whim!!!"   
  
Dib panicked. What could he do? The only way out was up, but he couldn't go up. All he could do was watch a few birds circle overhead...   
  
Then something weird happened.   
  
The birds suddenly changed their course and swoped down at Zim, where they pecked and tore away at his shirt to get the food underneath. Zim batted them away with   
his hands. "Foul Earth birds, begone with you! Why must you peck me? Peck Dib! Peck Dib!!"   
  
The birds completely ignored Zim's request to bother his enemy and continued to go for the fruit tucked inside his uniform. Zim thought quickly. What could these stupid   
feather-ridden dirt-bags want with him?   
  
Then, for some unexplained reason, Gir appeared in his doggy form to save the day. Equipped with a pair of boxing gloves bigger than he was, he started pelting left and   
right, often hitting Zim as well as the pigeons.   
  
There was one bird left, and Gir went in for the kill. However, before he could hit it, it tore a huge gash across Zim's shirt. The hole was so big the pineapples fell out, and   
the birds that hadn't already been knocked unconcious went to dine.   
  
The destruction of the pineallpes resulted in the end of the spell, and everyone went home. Zim looked down and saw the huge rip in his unifrom. Blushing hard, he held up   
the flap to cover his exposed chest. "Have these Earth pigeons no decency?!"   
  
"Well, Zim, I guess the joke's on you."   
  
Zim stood up and glared at Dib. "You may have won for now, puny human, but be warned that next time, you won't be so lucky." He turned to his puppy. "Let's go home,   
Gir."   
  
  
  
Later that night, Gir was settled down on the floor with a big bowl of fruit in front of him, taking a break from the T.V. every now and then to toss one in the air and swallow   
it whole, in spite of his toothpick-sized neck.   
  
Tired and exhausted, Zim dragged himself into the living room and plopped down on the couch. He looked over at Gir. "What are those things?"   
  
Gir leaned his head back to look Zim in the eye. "Oranges..." 


End file.
